What the Heck is BDSM?

What the Heck is BDSM?

What the heck is BDSM?, asked a few of my Facebook friends via Facebook Messenger.

BDSM stands for Bondage, Dominance (or Discipline), Submissive, and Masochism. BDSM can be very erotic and certainly can add a little spice to the bedroom. Think Fifty Shades of Grey by E L James. BDSM has become a hot trend despite the many misconceptions.

BDSM is erotic bedroom play using various types of toys, whips, chains, and mind control. BDSM can involve tying up your partner and spanking with a whip. It can be sensory play like hot wax, ice cubes, or a feather. It can include edging, which is mind control over orgasm. You get the picture.

Dominance and submission are about trust. There is a large component of trust that needs to be built within a relationship before experimenting with BDSM. 

BDSM is all about placing your trust in another person. Submissives often take on the role of surrendering control to their Dominant. That said, in a healthy BDSM relationship, Subs will ultimately decide when to start and stop. Carefully selected mechanisms, like safe words, provide the Submissive with control and agency.

A safe word is a word selected by sexual partners together that when used indicates one partner would like to pause sexual activity for any reason, perhaps because the experience has become too intense.

In a healthy BDSM relationship, all partners aim to please each other, and the Submissive sets their own boundaries. There is no abuse in a healthy relationship and consent is always mandatory.

Unfortunately, there is still lot of social stigma around BDSM. People assume that there must be something psychologically wrong with BDSM practitioners, that they must be suffering from anxiety, PTSD, depression,or have a history of sexual abuse. None of this is true.

BDSM doesn’t only mean hurting, beating up or kicking someone. BDSM can be light and erotic, involving role-playing, fetishes (such as kinky outfits made of latex, leather, or lace), or another type of fantasy. You can play hours without causing or receiving pain.

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